


We're Not Broken (Just Bent)

by xdark_blue



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Decisions, Explicit Sexual Content, Extremely Dubious Consent, Falling In Love, Healing Sex, M/M, Partying, Past Sexual Abuse, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-13 23:04:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11195325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xdark_blue/pseuds/xdark_blue
Summary: Sungyeol is used to boys only wanting his body, so when he meets Myungsoo, the boy who only wants his heart, he doesn't know how to deal. How much can a toy be broken before it can no longer be fixed?





	1. we can

**Author's Note:**

> i just want to be clear; there is NO noncon between sungyeol and myungsoo. all abuse occured to sungyeol before myungsoo entered the picture.

**_Prologue_ **

 

_Overwhelmed. It’s the only word that comes to Sungyeol’s mind through the haze of the alcohol. The guy hasn’t stopped touching him since they left the bar together, his hands running over him inappropriately as they sat in the backseat of a cab. When he attempts to push the other's hands away, tries to encourage him to be a little patient, the guy just shuts him up with a kiss._

 

_He’s almost relieved when they get to his apartment, he couldn’t take the driver’s judgmental eyes staring at him through the rearview mirror any longer. The moment they are inside the guy is already back on him, the kisses more teeth than lips as they stumble to Sungyeol's bedroom._ _When the door shuts behind them, the guy gets even wilder, his hands moving harshly against his skin._

 

_“Suck me off. Show me how good you are with that mouth.” He demands, pushing Sungyeol to his knees and opening up his jeans. Sungyeol’s hand wraps around the other boy’s cock, pumping a couple to times and the guy grabs his chin. “I said suck.”_

 

_“Okay.” Sungyeol concedes, his lips wrapping around the guy’s length._

 

_“Oh fuck yes. Take it all.” The guy moans out as Sungyeol finds a rhythm, trying to please the guy but keep himself comfortable. He can’t take him all the way in, not this quickly and it pisses the guy off when he tries to wrap a hand around the base that his mouth can’t reach._

 

_“Shit, are you as dumb as you look?” He spits out, and Sungyeol pulls off his length to try to explain himself._

 

_“No, I just need a moment-“_

 

_“Fuck that. From what I’ve heard you’ve got plenty of experience, so you should be able to deep throat me. I don’t like it when you tease.”_

 

_“I’m not, I swear-“_

 

_“Then hurry the fuck up.” Sungyeol nods, taking him back in and trying to will his jaw to relax. He must not have moved quickly enough for the guy’s liking, because he decides to take matters into his own hands._

 

_He reaches for Sungyeol’s head, both of his hands grabbing Sungyeol’s long hair to take control of the pace. Sungyeol could only grunt in response, his hands holding onto the guy’s jeans to try to keep his balance. He can feel his eyes watering up at the lack of air, and he’s so relieved when the guy finally pulls his head off._

 

_“Shit, they weren’t lying. You’ve got a nice little mouth on you.” And Sungyeol doesn’t say anything, because he’s not even sure if that’s a compliment. He doesn’t get much time to think about it anyway, the guy already pulling him off his knees to steer him towards the bed._

 

_He tries to pull at his clothes but the guy doesn’t let him, pushing him face down on his mattress. He unbuttons Sungyeol’s jeans and pulls them down just enough to expose his ass. He almost asks the guy why he doesn’t want him to take off his clothes, but decides against it when he feels the harsh slap on his behind, and he yelps at the sting._

 

_“If you want prep, do it yourself.”_

 

_Sungyeol blinks at that, but doesn’t waste time in pushing his fingers into his mouth. He wets them as much as possible, shifting to all fours to stretch himself. He goes fast, too fast and it already burns a little, but he has no idea how patient the man behind him will be. He can already hear him ripping open the condom wrapper so he pushes another finger in, trying to work himself open as efficiently as possible. But too quickly the guy was pulling his hand away to replace it with his cock._

 

_“Shit. Give me a moment.” He gasps out, the intrusion too sudden to be anything but uncomfortable. The guy doesn’t give him time to adjust though, immediately starting in with a harsh rhythm that makes Sungyeol’s body jerk. He tries to steady himself by clenching his hands in the sheets, but the guy pulls his arms back, making his face fall to the mattress. The guy pins his wrists behind his back with one hand, the other gripping his hip a little too tightly._

 

_“Fuck. Look how good you are at taking cock. You’re used to this aren’t you?” Sungyeol doesn’t respond, and the guy smacks him on the ass again, too strongly to be playful._

 

_“Yeah...” He answers, understanding now that he’s supposed to say whatever the guy wants to hear._

 

_“You’re so tight though. How do you stay so tight if you’re such a slut?”_

 

_“I don’t know.” He grunts because fuck, this guy is a little too on the rough side. He doesn’t want to make him angry though, so he strokes his ego, telling him how good he feels and how big his cock is inside of him, even though he doesn’t really mean it._

 

_The guy likes hearing it, his movements getting more sporadic and his grip getting tighter as he gets closer to the edge. Everything about this encounter bothers Sungyeol, the fact that the guy doesn’t even bother to undress him, like he doesn’t even want to see his face or any part of his body that he doesn’t have to, as long as his cock has access to Sungyeol’s most intimate parts. He’d prefer that this be over sooner rather than later, the guy too severe and self-centered to even contemplate trying to make it good for Sungyeol as well._

 

_He lets out a sigh of relief when he hears the guy’s grunt of release, his movements stilling inside of Sungyeol as he rides out his climax. He’s not the least bit surprised when he pulls his cock out with no offer to return the favor. He ties off the condom and tosses into the bin, tucking himself back into his pants in a matter of seconds. Sungyeol understands why they kept their clothes on now; the guy wants to be able to get away from him as soon as possible. Sungyeol rolls over the his back, pulling up his jeans as quickly as he can, not wanting to be exposed in front of him any longer._

 

_“What’s your name again?”_

 

_He really tries not to let that burn. “It’s Sungyeol.”_

 

_“Sungyeol.” The guy tests his name out on his tongue. “Huh. Well you were a nice little fuck Sungyeol. Definitely lived up to your reputation. I’ll show myself out.”_

 

_Sungyeol has it in him to laugh, it’s been a couple months since someone hasn’t even been polite enough to sleep over afterwards, but he’s not surprised because nothing about what just happened was really nice at all._

 

_He forces himself out of bed, already hissing at the soreness and pulls the soiled sheets away from his mattress. He slowly makes his way to the bathroom, spotting a couple new bruises forming on his back and hips from his reflection in the mirror._

 

_He ignores it, he ignores everything, stepping into the shower to wash away the remains of another disappointing night._

 

* * *

 

**We're Not Broken (Just Bent)**

 

_Right from the start you were a thief, you stole my heart, and I your willing victim  
I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty and with every touch you fixed them_

 

Sungyeol is used to missing the mark, and always just by an inch. He’s the boy that gets second in every competition, the employee that almost got the promotion, the ‘everything is great about you _but’._

 

It’s the worst with boys. Every time he goes out to the bars, he’s always the last of his companions to get approached. It’s understandable, he has really hot friends (and they always stay that way, because they can never see him as a potential partner) but it doesn’t make it hurt any less when he’s the last boy to get asked to dance.

 

And when boys actually do approach him, it’s always for the same thing. Sometimes boys will sweet talk him, tell him how cute he is and pretend like they want to take him on even cuter dates to amusement parks and candy stores. But they never do, it’s all empty words and when he wakes up in the morning they’re gone. He’s stopped going to other boy’s places, it makes him feel too filthy to have to do the walk of shame home with wrinkled clothes and smeared eyeliner when the sun is just peaking over the horizon.

 

He used to try to make himself better, to try to change into a person who was more desirable. But no matter what he tries it never sticks, and after too many failed attempts he’s just given up with the charades. No matter how hard he tried not to be, at the end of the day he will always be Lee Sungyeol.

 

He hates the nameless faces and the wandering hands, but at least it’s better than being alone. If he’s not lucky enough to fall in love, then he might as well take what he can get, right? He should savor every kiss on his lips, every stroke of his cock, every thrust in his entrance. He can’t afford to be picky, he can’t afford to _dream,_ especially with his awkward chubby face that doesn’t really suit his too tall body and gangly limbs. He’s not beautiful, he never would be, and the moment he accepted that fact, life became much easier.

 

It doesn’t mean he is oblivious, he knows that there are rumors about him, that people mock him and his reputation, call him dirty words like whore and slut, but those ones don’t hurt as much as _worthless, unimportant, nobody._

 

Sungyeol just doesn’t want to be alone, he would rather be anything than that, so he chooses not to care. He accepts the boys that pay him attention, holds them between his arms and invites them in between his legs, and for a few hours he forgets _._

 

But sometimes, when he’s lying in the dark, sticky with sweat and come, with a person lying next to him that won’t even acknowledge him in the morning, he aches for something different.

 

* * *

 

It’s a Friday night like any other, all the university students pouring into the bar at the end of another week of classes, the liquor flowing and the music loud. He comes to his favorite spot with his younger friend and roommate, who’s dressed to impress with his recently dyed hair, a shade of orange that only someone as beautiful as him could pull off.  
  


His roommate gets approached the moment they walk up to the bar and Sungyeol refuses to take it personally, choosing to enjoy the free drink that his friend’s prospect bought for him as consolation for stealing him away.

 

It tastes sweet but Sungyeol can still feel the heat of the liquor in the aftertaste. He sips on it slowly, his gaze searching the bar to see if he can catch anyone’s eye. He lets his head bob along to the music as the time goes on, the liquid getting lower in his glass, just like his hopes for someone actually picking him out of the crowd tonight.

 

He finishes off the rest of his glass, setting it down on the bar top with resounding thud. He’s about to call the bartender over when a drink slides into his vision, and he follows the hand up to the mystery giver’s face.

 

For a moment, all Sungyeol can do is blink because _wow._ This guy is seriously hot, no- more like he’s really fucking beautiful and maybe this guy just got tired of holding his glass and needed a place to set it down, because there is zero possibility that someone that looks like that would be talking to _him._

 

He takes in the deep set almost black eyes, highlighted by liner just like his own, but on this guy it has a dazzling effect. A cute nose, even prettier pink full lips, and he’s clad in all black leather. Dangerously gorgeous, he thinks to himself, because someone with a face like that could only leave a trail of broken hearts in his wake. He realizes he’s staring, so he turns back to the bar to escape the too intense eyes of the beautiful boy.

 

“Do you not like it?” Sungyeol hears the voice speaking in his direction, almost as if the boy is talking to him. He looks around him, curious to see what kind of person could have peaked this boy’s interest. “I’m talking to you. I asked the bartender to make you the same drink you had before. A Long Island, right?”

 

Sungyeol feels like he’s in the twilight zone, because the boy really _is_ talking to him, buying him a drink and looking somewhat nervous that he might not have approved of his choice. “Sorry, I just didn’t realize it was for me. A Long Island is fine, really.”

 

“Are you sure, because I can get you something else…” The boy looks worried, like he really just wants to please Sungyeol.

 

“Yes, I’m sure. I like these; they’re sweet but they’ve got a kick. Kind of like me.” Sungyeol knows this is a rather terrible attempt at flirtation, but he’s still fairly nervous that the beautiful boy in front of him, smiling at _him,_ is an illusion that he dreamed up in his desperation.

 

But instead a hand reaches out to him. “It’s nice to meet you.” Then he pulls it back, looking somewhat embarrassed. “I mean, I’m Myungsoo. I should have said that first. You’re supposed to introduce yourself first.” His hand runs through his jet-black hair and he looks sheepishly at Sungyeol. “How obvious is it that I’m nervous right now?”

 

Sungyeol doesn’t trust himself to comment, not when Myungsoo is being so awkwardly charming. So he goes with the safe route, giving the other his name and shaking his hand. Myungsoo looks like he’s a complete loss then, his feet shuffling and it’s clear that he doesn’t know what to do next, which Sungyeol doesn’t understand, because all this boy would have to do is _exist_ and he could have whoever he wants under his spell.

 

“Do you want to dance?” He tries, and Myungsoo shakes his head furiously. Sungyeol raises his eyebrows, and Myungsoo gets the panicked look in his eyes again.

 

“No, I don’t mean it like that. It’s just, I’m not the most coordinated person so dancing doesn’t really work out that well for me.” He slowly nods in understanding, but Myungsoo still looks anxious. “But I can try… if you want me to.” He covers his mouth with his hand, hiding his nervous smile and Sungyeol thinks that he should probably get away from this boy _now_ if he doesn’t want to become the president of Myungsoo's broken hearts club.

 

“No, it’s okay. I’m not the best dancer either.” He confesses, tipping back his glass to swallow down the rest of the sweet liquid to try to calm his racing his heart. Myungsoo takes a hesitant step closer to the bar, getting in Sungyeol’s personal space.

 

“Do you think maybe, that we could leave together? Get out of here, go somewhere else where it’s quiet so we can talk?”

 

Sungyeol closes his eyes, letting that feeling of stupidity wash over his skin. He was so naïve, the boy wasn’t nervous because he liked him, he was nervous because he had never done this before. He hadn’t chosen him because he _wanted_ him; he picked him because he knew he was easy. Sungyeol forced down the inexplicable feeling of disappointment building in his stomach, he should be used to this by now, and in a way, being the first of someone so beautiful could be considered an honor. “Sure. My roommate should be… busy for the rest of the night. We can go to my place.”

 

Myungsoo smiles at him, a flicker of something dancing across his bright eyes. “Perfect.”

 

* * *

 

Sungyeol almost feels bad for Myungsoo, he’s twitchy in the cab and his hands won’t stay still. He keeps pulling at the ends of his jacket, facing out the window and occasionally sneaking glances in Sungyeol’s direction. He even finds it cute, Myungsoo’s nervous smiles and the way his voice cracks when he says goodbye to the driver after paying him.

 

The moment they get inside they slip off their shoes. Sungyeol is about to suggest they move to the bedroom but Myungsoo seems to have ideas of his own, sitting down on the couch and eagerly waiting for Sungyeol to join him.

 

He figures that it’s probably the best idea, Myungsoo’s not over eager like some of the other boys he’s been with before, he keeps a reasonable distance between them and he hasn’t even touched Sungyeol since he introduced himself. Sungyeol knows what it’s like, those first time jitters, and he wants the beautiful boy to be comfortable.

 

So he strikes up a conversation, easy topics like hometowns, sports, and favorite types of music. Myungsoo turns out to be really animated when he feels comfortable with the subject, talking a mile a minute with big hand gestures and even bigger smiles. And for a moment Sungyeol lets himself forget what they are really here to do, he lets himself indulge in the witty banter exchanged between them and he allows his eyes to stare at the perfect face occasionally complimented by cute little half grins.

 

And Myungsoo asks him questions too, seeming genuinely interested in his life and he laughs ridiculously hard at Sungyeol’s jokes, slapping his knees and holding his sides as he practically squawks in delight.

 

He doesn’t even realize how long they’ve been talking until Myungsoo remarks on the time. And Sungyeol closes his eyes, wishing the playful atmosphere could continue, saddened that it was already time for him to play his role, to set them on the path that would end in Myungsoo leaving in the morning without ever looking back.

 

Myungsoo stands up abruptly from the couch, pulling out his phone and cursing. He asks Sungyeol if he can borrow his quickly, and Sungyeol hands it over without much thought. When it’s pressed back into his hand there’s a new contact on his screen; Myungsoo **=^.^=**

 

Sungyeol stares blankly at him because he really doesn’t get it. “It’s a kitty emoticon, since you said you thought I looked like one. That way you’ll remember me, right? I should go, it’s already so late and I don’t want you to be tired for work tomorrow. My phone is dead, so I don’t have anyway of saving your number. Promise you’ll call me?”

 

He’s still speechless; this beautiful boy is actually giving him his number, asking him to follow through and call _him?_ Myungsoo glances at the clock again, and he lets out a disappointed sigh. “I’m sorry but I really have to go if I want to catch the subway.” He touches Sungyeol’s hands, lifting him off the couch and pulling him into a hug. “But you will call right? Promise?”

 

He nods silently, his finger already traveling over the screen to call the new contact, effectively sharing his number with Myungsoo. The latter looks so pleased at Sungyeol’s action, he actually blushes and his hug grows slightly tighter. He steps back then, turning away with a small smile and a wave to walk away. He gets a couple steps closer to the door before he comes right back again.

 

“I’m sorry, I just have to do this.” He grabs underneath Sungyeol’s jaw, pushing up to his tiptoes to press a soft kiss onto Sungyeol’s face. “Your cheeks are just so cute, I’ve been dying to do that all night. I’m really happy I met you Sungyeol. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He’s full on red now, the blush creeping up to his ears and he actually trips over himself when he puts his shoes on at the door. He gives Sungyeol another wave and _bows,_ which even he seems to find ridiculous the moment he’s back upright, and he actually smacks his own forehead in protest before he squeaks out a goodbye and disappears out the door.

 

Sungyeol sinks to his couch, all of the strength abandoning his body.

 

He has no idea what the fuck just happened.

* * *

A/N: why did i write this  
  
  



	2. learn to

_Myungsoo doesn't understand why he let Sunggyu drag him here. It's not like his brother came into town to visit him, he's here to see his boyfriend and Myungsoo is just the stereotypical third wheel. Woohyun, his brother's boyfriend, had coerced him into a pair of uncomfortably tight leather jeans and Sunggyu forced him to use his favorite eyeliner, and now the three of them are inside the packed local bar._

_He appreciates that his brother wants to spend time with him, but he also realizes that Sunggyu wants to spend time with Woohyun more. It still amazes him that even now, almost a year into their relationship they like to play pretend that they don't need each other that much. If anything the recent move of his brother should have made them stop their silly games, but here they are. Instead of just admitting that they wanted to spend the night alone together, they've dressed Myungsoo up and dragged him to the bar so that the three of them can "hang out"._

_Almost an hour in Myungsoo has had enough; the sexual tension between the two of them is off the charts, and he really wants to call it a night. When his half hearted excuse for needing to leave actually works, it just further proves his point. He promises to visit Woohyun's apartment the next day, and slowly pushes his way out of the mass out people to move towards the exit. And then he sees him._

_A boy, with beautifully pale skin that shines under the flashing lights of the bar, hair that looks so soft and thick, even from a distance, but what strikes him most are his eyes. He has big eyes, slightly lowered at the tips that give his face a gloomy feel, his overly plump lips in an attractive pout. His whole body just screams sadness, and Myungsoo can't take it, he needs to see the boy's smile._

_He makes his way back to his hyung, not even caring that he's interrupting their moment. "Hyung, I need your help."_

_Sunggyu blinks at his sudden appearance, putting space between him and Woohyun. "Myungsoo? I thought you were leaving."_

_"Hyung, I said I need help." He repeats, getting more nervous by the second that he might miss out on his chance to make the boy happy._

_"What is it Myungsoo?" Sunggyu asks, clearly a little alarmed at his younger brother's odd behavior._

_His eyes shift in the direction of the boy, momentarily getting distracted before focusing back on his brother. "There's a boy at the bar... he's so beautiful. What am I supposed to do?"_

_Woohyun actually laughs at him, but Myungsoo is too distressed to care about his opinions. Sunggyu swallows, truthfully finding Myungsoo's panic at finding someone he's attracted to a little amusing. His brother is used to having people approach him, not the other way around. "Well, you could try talking to him."_

_Myungsoo looks absolutely crestfallen at that. "But I wouldn't know what to say, what if he thinks I'm awkward, or what if he doesn't like brunettes, or-"_

_"Myungsoo." Woohyun firmly cuts him off, clapping him on the shoulder. "Trust me, he will be more than happy to talk to you. Now which one is he?" Myungsoo scoffs at that because how could they not notice his perfection?_

_"He's the pretty one in the pink shirt that show off his collarbones, with the cute cheeks and the beautiful eyes with the nice hands-"_

_"Okay, we get it Myungsoo."_ _Sunggyu waves at the bartender, who takes his sweet time in coming to help them. "Yeah, can you make us one of whatever that guy is having?" He points out the boy, and the bartender nods in understanding. Within seconds there's an ice cold Long Island in front of them, and Sunggyu is shoving it into Myungsoo's hands. His brother just stares at him in confusion, and Woohyun actually smacks his forehead in disbelief._

_"His drink is almost empty. Now go over there and offer him this one, introduce yourself, and try not to blush every five seconds." Woohyun actually pushes him into the crowd, forcing him to get a move on._

_Myungsoo turns over his shoulder for one last look of help, but the two of them wave him off with smiles and well wishes. He protects the drink like his life depends on it, not wanting a single drop to be wasted. By the time he reaches the boy he is just finishing his first, and Myungsoo can barely handle being this close to him. He's so much more breathtaking up close, all the little details like the pretty brown moles and the small crinkles around his eyes. In Myungsoo's eyes he's just so perfect, more captivating than anyone else he's ever seen before, and he wants him so badly._

_When the boy sets down his empty glass Myungsoo sets the full one down next to him, sliding it into his vision and watching the adorably confused expression. But then the boy turns to him, their eyes meeting for the first time, taking in each other up close and personal, and Myungsoo knows in that moment, that he is officially lost._   
  


* * *

 

He calls Myungsoo the next day, how could he not, and the day after that, and the day after that. And before he knows it a couple months have gone by and Myungsoo _is still there._

 

Even if they don’t see each other every day because of work or university, they still talk on a daily basis. He wakes up to good morning texts and he goes to sleep after reading well wishes for sweet dreams and he _doesn’t understand what the fuck is going on._

 

In fact, each time Myungsoo **=^.^=** pops up on his phone he has a mild moment of panic, convinced that he’ll open up the text to read a message that will destroy this whole thing they’ve got going on. Because honestly, Sungyeol doesn’t know what’s happening between them. He knows what he feels for Myungsoo, he’s known since that first night and it’s _scary_ but Sungyeol can’t stop. He knows he’s setting himself up for failure, he knows that someone like Myungsoo could never actually want him but he’s too desperate to give him up.

 

And Myungsoo takes him to the movies, comes over to his apartment to cook him dinner, and he kisses him on the fucking cheek every time he leaves and Sungyeol has never been more terrified in his entire life. He’s never felt this way, he’s never fallen in love before, but in his heart he knows that is exactly what is happening with Myungsoo.

 

Beautiful Myungsoo, who is patient and kind and attentive, who absolutely _cannot_ be trusted. And sometimes Sungyeol wants to scream at him for being so nice, wants to demand that he do something, _anything_ to hurt him just so he can know that he’s like everyone else, so he can realize that this fairytale is just that.

 

But Myungsoo _doesn’t,_ he continues to shower Sungyeol with affection and it’s starting to drive him a little crazy. He’s so on edge, he’s so ready for everything to collapse around him so he can be forced to be alone again. So everything can go back to _normal._

 

* * *

 

They continue in this existence for almost half a year, six _glorious_ months where Sungyeol feels like smiling and crying all at once because he doesn’t ever want it to end and somehow he knows that it has to.

 

He often pondered on what exactly would be their breaking point; he was curious about what would happen between them to change everything, constantly wondering exactly what would make Myungsoo wake up and realize that he could do better, that he didn’t _need_ Sungyeol.

 

He never imagined that it would be their first real kiss.

 

He never imagined that it would be his entire fault.

 

Sungyeol's having a bad day, classes were horrible and work at the neighborhood café was even worse. Myungsoo is already waiting for him back at his apartment, cooking him dinner because he knows how tired Sungyeol gets when he has both university and his job all in one day. Sungyeol gives him a quick greeting, letting him know they have the apartment to themselves because his roommate is staying at his boyfriend’s place, before heading straight to the bathroom. He pulls off his clothes that reek of the restaurant and showers away some of the stress of the day.

 

When he returns to the kitchen he’s clad in a v-neck and a pair of sweatpants, his long hair wet and falling into his eyes.

 

Myungsoo is turning off the stove, setting up the table for them. “You’re just in time, I just finished-“ He abruptly stops when he sees Sungyeol standing there because he looks absolutely gorgeous fresh out of the shower. Myungsoo’s never seen him look like this, so casual and vulnerable and he just wants him so much. “Dinner.” He finishes, his knees feeling a little weak.

 

But Sungyeol’s body is like magnet, and Myungsoo doesn’t even realize that he moved closer towards him until he’s standing right in front of him. And his eyes flicker down to the taller man’s mouth, and he can’t stop himself. He reaches up to kiss him, but this time he doesn’t press his lips to Sungyeol’s cheek, he lets himself feel those full pink lips and it’s _wonderful._

 

It takes a Sungyeol’s brain a moment to register that Myungsoo is kissing him, _for real,_ but once he does it’s like a switch is turned on inside of him. He surges against Myungsoo, kissing him back with the pent up desire that has building deep within him ever since he’s meet the boy.

 

His mouth opens up the moment he feels Myungsoo’s tongue prodding at his lips, and then the kiss gets even more frantic; the both of them that much more turned on by the taste of one another. And Myungsoo is a really good kisser, the hands on Sungyeol’s face keeping him nice and close. He doesn’t even know how long it lasts, he just knows that it felt better than any other kiss he’s ever had. And when they finally break apart Sungyeol’s heart is beating wildly in his chest.

 

His eyes look down into Myungsoo’s, and for the first time he sees something that sets his adrenaline pumping, but not in the way he wants. He sees lust in Myungsoo’s eyes, and he’s _scared._ Myungsoo has never been so close, has never looked at him like _that,_ and Sungyeol _knows_ what that heated gaze means.

 

Suddenly the weight of his past is pressing down on his shoulders, all the lonely nights spent in unfamiliar beds, and he’s _not ready,_ and it’s not about the sex, no he wants that _badly,_ wants to feel him even closer, to have all of Myungsoo more than anything but he’s not ready to lose him, to say goodbye to the one person who has ever made his days special. He doesn’t want Myungsoo to leave him, and if they do this he _will,_ because that’s what all the other boys did.

 

And in this moment Sungyeol feels so _stupid,_ because how else could this end? Did he really expect Myungsoo to actually like him? To kiss him on the cheek, remind him to do his homework, and care about the trivial aspects of his day? To want him for something else than his body? It didn’t matter that Myungsoo went about it a different way, the result was still the same.

 

Sungyeol wasn’t good enough to be loved by _anyone,_ let alone the beautiful perfection that was Kim Myungsoo.

 

The truth hurts, it hurts so fucking bad and Sungyeol just wants it to be _done,_ wants this all to be over so he can curl into a ball and lick his wounds, so he can _hate_ himself for being so powerless when it comes to Myungsoo, for foolishly believing that he had a chance at happiness.

 

So he starts pulling at his clothes, practically tearing him away from his body and throwing them out of the way. Myungsoo is calling his name but he ignores it, he keeps going, breathing heavy as he reaches for Myungsoo’s clothes.

 

“ _Sungyeol.”_ The voice is firm but Sungyeol doesn’t want to hear it. He pulls at Myungsoo’s shirt and the other boy actually moves his hands away. “Sungyeol just wait a second.”

 

“ _No._ ” He grunts out, opting to pull at the other’s belt instead and Myungsoo actually has to pin his hands to the counter behind him.

 

“Just stop it!”

 

“No you stop it! Stop with your caring words and sweet gestures. Quit being so nice to me and just take what you want. What you’ve been working for all these months.” He spits out the accusation like a curse.

 

Myungsoo’s eyes are wide and he’s tripping over his words and Sungyeol uses the distraction to rip his hands away. Myungsoo stares at him as he clears the table, the dinner he made falling to the floor in Sungyeol’s haste. “Sungyeol, please let’s just talk about this.”

 

He reaches for Myungsoo wrist, dragging him towards the kitchen table. “There’s nothing to talk about. Let’s just get this over with.” He sets himself on the table, and pulls Myungsoo between his legs. “Just fuck me Myungsoo.” He pulls at the back of Myungsoo’s head, forcing him into another kiss.

 

Myungsoo is struggling, trying to move away but Sungyeol tightens his grip. It’s not enough though, he’s always been weak concerning Myungsoo, and the latter breaks free from his hold. Myungsoo’s eyes look so sad and it just pisses Sungyeol off because he’s not the one getting left behind, he’s not the one who always _hurts._

 

“Just fuck me already! Do it right now, take me on this fucking table, I’m not even good enough for a bed.”

 

“ _Stop, please_.”

 

“Just fucking do it!” Myungsoo shakes his head and Sungyeol feels so fucking low, like he’s the scum of the earth. “Am I too dirty for you? Too much of a slut?”

 

“No! I never said that! I don’t think that!”

 

“Then why won’t you?!” Sungyeol feels the tears falling down his face, because this hurts so much more than he could have ever imagined. If he’s not even good for sex, that what can he possibly have to give? “Please fuck me Myungsoo.” He begs, his body shaking on the cold kitchen table.

 

“No. Not like this.” Myungsoo turns away from him and Sungyeol breaks down. He’s crying so hard that he can’t even see and he just knows that the boy is going to leave him, that this is the end.

 

He feels Myungsoo wiping away his tears, and he looks into the dark eyes filled with regret. Myungsoo pushes Sungyeol’s clothes into his hands and he gives him the saddest smile.

 

“I’m in love with you Sungyeol. I’ve been in love with you for so long. I approached you that first night because I had never seen a more beautiful person. And after talking to you I knew I had to make you mine, to make you fall in love with me. I was aware of the fact that you were damaged, I knew that you had been hurt. So I tried my best to heal you, to make you whole again by treating you the way you have always deserved to be treated. But I can’t make you accept my love Sungyeol. I can’t force you trust me. You have to decide to make that choice on your own." Sungyeol is speechless, staring up at Myungsoo with wide, fearful eyes.

  
"I won’t be like those other boys, I won’t use your body and then leave you. _Never._ If I ever got the chance to be with you like that, I would make love to you. But I can’t do that if you won’t even love yourself.”

 

He presses a kiss to Sungyeol’s wet cheeks, and he hates the fact that their last kiss will be tainted by the salty taste. “The reality is that I can’t fix someone who wants to stay broken.” And Myungsoo hurts, his heart is aching but he knows that it's the truth. He can't make Sungyeol open his heart to him, he can't force him to change. He moves away from Sungyeol, grabbing his things and making his way to the door. His hand hesitates on the knob, and he looks back at Sungyeol, naked and shivering on the table and he just can’t take it.

 

Sungyeol stares at him, it kills him but he _has_ to watch Myungsoo walk away. It’s what he deserves for tempting the universe, for striving for something that had always been out of his reach. His eyes widen when he sees the tears start to fall, and they look so out of place on Myungsoo’s beautiful face.

 

“Goodbye Sungyeol.” Myungsoo’s voice cracks, the same way it did that the first night they met and it’s too much for Sungyeol to handle.

 

He cries into his bunched up clothes, naked and alone in a way then he has ever felt before. And it’s _worse_ than all of the other times put together, and the knowledge that he’s the only one to blame makes it that much more unbearable.

* * *

A/N: UGH UGH UGH  
why do i make life so sad  
yeol is even throwin' shade at me  



	3. love again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear a couple things up, Myungsoo was not aware of Sungyeol's reputation when he met him since he wasn't into the bar scene. He simply saw someone beautiful and wanted to get to know him. All the nerves and awkwardness weren't because he was inexperienced, it was because no person had ever had such an intense effect on him like Sungyeol did. It's part of what made him realize that Sungyeol was special.

_Myungsoo can't even bring himself to leave Sungyeol's apartment building, forcing himself to sit outside on the steps with the phone shaking in his hands._

_"Myungsoo, talk to me, are you okay?"_

_"Hyung, I don't know what happened... everything was fine! And then..." His voice breaks over the phone, the heavy sobs starting to consume him._

_"Stay where you are, I've already texted Woohyun to come get you. Promise me you won't drive like this."_

_He agrees, more because he can't find the energy to move, let alone drive home. He tells his brother the horrible truth of what just occurred, the words sounding unbelievable even now. "Hyung, I did everything you said, I was careful and I did my best to show him how much I cared and it just wasn't enough."_

_Sunggyu did his best to console him. "Just calm down. Just breathe."_

_Myungsoo can't calm down, not when he left Sungyeol in that state. He was supposed to protect him, he was supposed to never make him cry, he was supposed to be different. "Hyung, I love him so much. I can't go on without him. I need to go back."_

_"No. Don't go back. Not right now."_

_"But hyung-"_

_"Myungsoo. You've put everything on the line. He knows how you feel about him and he knows how much you care. Now he needs to make the decision of whether or not he wants to accept it. If he loves you back, he will come for you. If he doesn't, then that's your answer. Please believe me when I say that you didn't do anything wrong. Right now the person Sungyeol is battling isn't you, it's himself. In order for you guys to have a chance at working it out, he'll have to decide on his own that he wants to try. I know it's hard, but you need to give him space. If you love him, then wait for him."_

_Myungsoo tightened the grip on his phone. "I'll wait for him hyung. However long it takes."_

* * *

  **We're Not Broken (Just Bent)**

Sungyeol doesn't leave his apartment anymore outside of school and work, everything feels empty and wrong without Myungsoo and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do about it. Even if there was always this absence in his life, he never realized just how good Myungsoo was at filling it until he’s gone.

 

Every person pales in comparison to Myungsoo, nothing interests him anymore and doesn’t have a clue how to fix it. A huge part of him, the ugly part that is responsible for this whole mess in the first place wants him to forget about Myungsoo; to go back to his old ways, to drink and fuck with the next boy that pays him attention.

 

But another part of him, the part that can’t forget the honesty in Myungsoo’s eyes when he said _I love you_ wants to reach out to him. And it’s still terrifying because he’s never felt as low as he feels right now, this is a new level of loneliness and if he goes back to Myungsoo he can get hurt all over again.

 

  
Yet he can’t ignore that there is also the possibility of reconciliation, if he could work up the courage to go to Myungsoo, to tell him how he really feels. And maybe, just maybe Myungsoo wants Sungyeol to fight for him, for _them._ Myungsoo’s been in it alone this whole time, walking on eggshells trying to prove how much he cared, and what did Sungyeol do in return? Doubted him every step of the way. He deserves better than that, they deserve better than that and sitting here moping won’t change a damn thing. But Sungyeol is weak and scared, so he continues in his lifeless existence, letting the time pass him by as his chance for love slowly fades away.

 

The days all mold together, countless hours of seperation in a too empty bed and Sungyeol just feels so cold. And even though Myungsoo doesn't come over, he still sends his customary good morning and good night texts, reminders for him to eat well and to not slack in his classes, and it makes Sungyeol's heart ache; he knows that Myungsoo still loves him, he knows that Myungsoo hasn't forgotten about him, and yet they are still broken. He knows the distance must be killing the other boy, he can sense the underlying tone of desperation, the need for him to know that Sungyeol is okay, but Sungyeol never texts back. He just can't, not after what he's done, and deep down he knows he doesn't deserve Myungsoo.

 

And then one day he wakes up and there's no good morning text. Sungyeol is confused, maybe his reception is bad or if phone is acting up? He turns his cell off and on a couple times, but there's still nothing. He makes a random call to his roommate and it goes through, proving that there is nothing wrong with his service. But he can't accept the alternative, he can't believe that Myungsoo stopped caring. So he stares at his phone, hoping and wishing that Myungsoo  **=^.^=** will pop up and everything will go back to normal. But it  _doesn't_ and Sungyeol really starts to freak out. He even calls Myungsoo's phone, and when he doesn't get an answer he goes into a state of panic. Myungsoo has never ignored his calls, so what the hell does this mean?

 

He paces in his room, on the verge of ripping his hair out in frustration. Even though things had changed between them, he never really lost it because he knew Myungsoo hadn't moved on. But what if he did? What if Sungyeol was too late? Myungsoo had continued to reach out to him, and it was Sungyeol who didn't respond. Once again, it was all his fault. He collapsed to the floor, devastated and so angry with himself, furious that he had let such a beautiful person slip away. But a part of him still couldn't believe it, yearned for some sort of explanation that didn't end in Myungsoo not loving him anymore. And even if Myungsoo had fallen out of love with him, Sungyeol deserved the chance to be able to say a real goodbye, he needed to tell Myungsoo that he loved him back, but most of all Myungsoo deserved to hear an apology.

 

He gets up off the floor, grabbing his phone and keys, before flying out of the apartment. He’ll go to Myungsoo, he’ll put his heart on the line because really, what else does he have to lose? If he has a chance at love, if someone actually loves him back he should do whatever it takes to make it happen. And he’s no fool, he knows there is a huge chance that Myungsoo will think that he’s too broken, but at least he’ll be able to look back and know that he tried.

 

He’s restless the entire cab ride to Myungsoo’s place, he can only hope that the other boy will be home, that he will actually want to see him or hear what he has to say. When he’s finally standing in front of the door he can feel that overwhelming fear trying to creep back in, but he forces it down.

 

When Myungsoo opens the door he looks absolutely terrible, well he could never _really_ look terrible, but his hair is wavy and unkempt, his eyes red and the bags underneath prominent. He looks shocked to see Sungyeol but there’s also a brief flicker of relief in his eyes at seeing the taller male. He invites him in and they sit down on the couch, a heavy silence spreading between them.

 

And now that he’s here Sungyeol almost wants to run away, seeing Myungsoo look like this makes him feel so guilty because he knows it’s his fault, but he also knows that it means Myungsoo _cares._ "You didn't text me this morning, you didn't answer my calls..."

 

Myungsoo looks confused for a second, then absolute panic spreads across his face. "I accidentally left my phone at my brother's boyfriend's place, he was supposed to bring it over but he got called in to work." He runs a worried hand over his face, looking at Sungyeol as if he has committed a sin. "Sungyeol, I'm so sorry." 

 

He stands up, feeling impassioned and ready to lay it all on the line, because how could he sit here, perfect Myungsoo who hasn't ever done him wrong, and apologize for something completely out of his control? It makes Sungyeol ache for him, he wants the sorrow in his eyes to disappear, he wants the tired lines in his face to go away. He wants the two of them to be happy again, and it's clear that neither of them are when they are apart. “Myungsoo, I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. Just promise me that you won’t say a single thing until I’m done.”

 

Myungsoo looks like he wants to argue, but he keeps his mouth shut and nods for Sungyeol to go on.

 

“I’ve never been honest with you. I’ve hinted here and there, but I’ve never really said it.” He paused taking a deep breath because it was so _hard_ to say the next sentence.

 

“Myungsoo when I met you, I wasn’t a person I was a thing. A toy that boys fucked around with until they got bored, which usually meant the same night they met me. But I was okay with it, I _expected_ it and I never complained.”

 

He looked down at Myungsoo, and he was sad to see the tears on his face but he had to keep going. “So when you came along that night, I thought for sure that you just wanted to hook up. But you were so shy and nervous, I figured that you must have been a virgin or something, or at least it was your first time picking up someone in a bar. That whole night I kept waiting for you to make your move, but you never did. God Myungsoo when you gave me your number, it might seem like the smallest thing to you but it meant the _world_ to me. And then when you came back to kiss me on the cheek, I… I-“

 

Myungsoo tugged him down to the couch, pulling him in closer and wiping away his tears. And Sungyeol has never let himself admit to Myungsoo what kind of boy he was before he met him because he didn't want Myungsoo to think he was dirty, he didn't want him to think he was worthless like all the other people did. But he also wants to be honest with Myungsoo about everything, including himself.

 

“You’re so beautiful Myungsoo… the most beautiful person, inside and out, that I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’ve loved you since that first night, I knew you were special even then but I always expected you to leave. But you kept doing things, making me fall for you harder, making me want you more and I just didn’t know how to handle it.”

 

Sungyeol smiled weakly at him. “Please don’t ever think we didn’t want the same things. We _did._ I was just so scared, so terrified of being hurt that when you kissed me for real, I panicked.”

 

He could see how hard Myungsoo was struggling to stay silent, but the question was clear in his eyes. _Why?_

 

“I wanted you so badly Myungsoo, and that kiss… it was _perfect_ and I could tell that you felt the same. But I had never seen you look at me like that, with lust and longing. I’m not saying it was your fault or that it was even wrong, because I obviously felt the same. But my mind just reverted to the past, to what it meant when other boys looked at me like that and I thought it was the end. I thought that the time had come for you to use my body and leave. And I was so hurt but I _wanted_ you, so I lost it. I feared that you were going to hurt me, and I just wanted you to do it so I could accept the truth that I wasn’t good enough.”

 

He laced their fingers together, looking at Myungsoo with honest eyes. “But you were right. The only person I was hurting was myself. Pushing you away and keeping you at arm’s length only made things worse. I didn’t give you the trust that you deserved. You’ve done _nothing_ but take care of me and I didn’t even give you the benefit of the doubt. And I’m sorry, because that is _not_ the way you are supposed to treat someone you love.”

 

"You love me?" Myungsoo knew he was supposed to stay silent but he had never heard Sungyeol say how he felt about him, and just insinuating that he cared that much made Myungsoo's heart beat faster in his chest.

 

Sungyeol nodded shyly, touching their foreheads together. “I don’t want to be broken anymore Myungsoo. I want to cherish you openly, I want to accept your love, and I don’t ever want to wonder what if. I want to be healed, I don’t want to be lonely, and if I’ve learned anything from our time apart it is that I cannot live without you. You’re a part of me now, and I need you to be a whole. So please-“

 

“You’re mine.” Myungsoo interjected, his lips pressing soft kisses across Sungyeol’s face. “I love you and I’ll never let you go, I’ll never let you go, do you hear me?” Sungyeol started crying again, the raw honesty in Myungsoo’s words ripping him apart and putting him back together. “I’ll never let you go, I’ll never let you go, I’ll _never_ let you go.”

 

And Myungsoo just keeps repeating it, he’ll say it over and over again until the words finally sink in. He’ll _scream_ it until Sungyeol believes it and he will not stop until Sungyeol allows himself to be loved like he deserves. Sungyeol is shaking in his arms, he keeps whispering that he loves him as the tears fall and Myungsoo feels his heart skip a beat every time he hears Sungyeol’s confession.

 

They both know it won’t be easy, that Sungyeol has a lot of scars that have yet to heal, but it doesn’t deter them. Sungyeol knows the only way he can get better is if he lets Myungsoo in, completely and wholeheartedly, even if it means risking getting hurt.

 

In the end Myungsoo carries a worn out Sungyeol to his bed, wrapping him up in his blankets, his arms, his _love_ with no other expectations. And it’s the first time Sungyeol’s shared a bed with a man that didn’t involve sex, and yet he thinks that he’s never felt so good in his life.

 

* * *

 

The next couple months are difficult but they get through it. Sungyeol can’t change overnight and Myungsoo knows that; all he can do is show him patience and understanding because he knows that’s what he needs. He tells him that he loves him everyday, because he does, and sometimes Sungyeol doesn't say anything in response and other times Sungyeol practically kisses him senseless while repeating it back. He knows that Sungyeol is used to keeping his emotions bottled in, that this is his first time being in love and something as trivial as saying the words can be scary, but he does his best to make it all worth it and after a long day when he sees Sungyeol's beautifully gummy smile he knows he's doing the right thing.

 

But before long there are more good days then bad ones, and with time and a lot of work on both sides, there are hardly any bad days at all.

 

Things have always been good between them, but the newfound confidence in their relationship strengthens them more then they realize. Sungyeol doesn’t go to sleep afraid that Myungsoo will be gone when he wakes up, and now each time he sees Myungsoo **=^.^=** on his phone he smiles.

 

He knows that with each passing day he falls deeper in love with Myungsoo, but the thought doesn’t scare him anymore, it actually makes him happy because he knows that Myungsoo feels the same way. All of his old friends think he’s become lame and domesticated, but he doesn’t care, there’s no point in going out to bars and surrounding himself with negative memories of his past, not when he has such a beautiful person standing by his side, always waiting for him to come home.

 

And Sungyeol’s adopted cute habits too, he finds out that Myungsoo has a weakness for things like his collarbones and his wet hair after a shower, so he purposely fulfills these quirks. Myungsoo also likes it when he makes ramen for him, he refuses to eat it otherwise, and it makes Sungyeol feel so happy that only he can give Myungsoo something, even if it is just a bowl of noodles. He practically moves in with Myungsoo, they haven’t been able to spend a night apart since that fateful day when Sungyeol took a risk, and neither of them seems to want to be apart anyway.

 

Things stay pretty chaste between them, Myungsoo is determined not to pressure Sungyeol into anything he’s not ready for, even to the point of ridiculousness. He still laughs when he remembers that time Myungsoo literally covered his eyes when he walked into his bedroom to find Sungyeol changing into his pajamas.

 

But lately there’s been a tension bubbling beneath the surface, the sparks of desire starting to flare up anytime a kiss lasts a little bit too long. He can feel the way Myungsoo’s fingers tighten around his waist to prevent them from wandering, and Sungyeol has to use all of his self-restraint not to jump his boyfriend on a daily basis.

 

Their one year anniversary is right around the corner, and it’s almost like an unspoken agreement between them that it will occur on that night. Each time a make out session gets a little too heated they both smile at each other and the nonverbal _soon_ is clear as day.

 

Myungsoo wants to do something big, wants to parade Sungyeol around town and spend way too much money at a fancy restaurant. Sungyeol politely refuses and they end up making dinner themselves, Italian because Myungsoo doesn’t trust him with anything other than noodles. Sungyeol relents concerning the fancy wine, and the vintage bottle of Moscato pairs perfectly with the chicken tortellini alfredo.

 

His boyfriend insists that they hand roll the pasta, and as Sungyeol watches Myungsoo’s nimble fingers work he gets very vivid thoughts that have nothing to do with the dinner. He really can’t be held accountable, because Myungsoo is gorgeous and this is the longest he’s abstained since he lost his virginity. Not that he would trade it for anything, the long nights spent lying in Myungsoo’s arms, surrounded by his warmth are more enjoyable than any sexual encounter he’s ever had.

 

But it almost makes the situation harder, because Sungyeol _knows_ that it will be different with Myungsoo, and he’s completely aware of just how much effort Myungsoo is willing to put in to make sure he enjoys it. He knows that he will love it no matter what because it’s _Myungsoo,_ but when he sees that simmering fire in his dark eyes as they eat their dinner he swears he can almost feel the air crackling between them. Dinner ends up being a rather short affair, probably because they were eager to get to the next part, and the next thing he knows the both of them are in Myungsoo’s room, sitting on his bed and sipping wine.

 

There’s a sliver of distance between them as they stare at each other over the rim of their glasses. Sungyeol endures it for about five excruciating minutes before he’s over it. “To hell with this.” He downs his drink and then steals Myungsoo’s to do the same before setting the glasses down on the nightstand. He doesn’t even give Myungsoo time to question him, climbing into his lap and kissing him desperately.

 

There are no shy hands or teasing words, they _need_ each other too badly right now for any of that. Myungsoo’s hands run over Sungyeol’s back as the latter gets situated in his lap. His hands reach for Sungyeol’s cardigan, tugging it off his arms before getting rid of the shirt as well. He lets his eyes glaze over Sungyeol’s pale torso and the pretty little dots that occasionally decorate it and he’s just so perfect in his eyes. Sungyeol leans his head back, letting Myungsoo kiss the sensitive skin of his neck.

 

“You’re so beautiful Yeol. So beautiful and all mine.” And it's still hard sometimes to hear the pretty compliments, but Myungsoo says it with such convinction that his only option is to believe it.

 

He smiles in response, his hands already working on the annoying button up shirt, and honestly, he didn't even understand why Myungsoo insisted that they dress up when they didn’t even have plans to leave the apartment in the first place. But it’s just another one of Myungsoo’s quirks, and hell, he looked sexy in it so Sungyeol really couldn’t complain, until now that is; his fingers can’t seem to stop shaking and he’s having a terrible time trying to dispose of his shirt.

 

“Let me baby.” Myungsoo whispers, a teasing smile on his face as he takes care of the buttons, the smug grin crossing his face as he pulls it off his shoulders. And yeah, Sungyeol _likes_ that, likes the way Myungsoo’s chest and abs are defined in a subtle way, hidden strength that’s fitting for someone as complex and endearing as he is.

 

Now the both of them are shirtless, sharing silly smiles as their hands explore the newly exposed skin. Sungyeol can’t stop rubbing Myungsoo’s shoulders, he didn’t even know he was fond of shoulders but right now he _loves_ them, loves the way they flex as Myungsoo runs his hands over his body.

 

And Myungsoo especially likes Sungyeol’s height, likes the way his torso is long enough to put his chest right at level with his mouth, and he decides to show Sungyeol just how much. He lets a nipple slip between his lips, his tongue flicking over the quickly hardening nub and Sungyeol is practically _writhing_ in his lap. It turns him on so much, how responsive Sungyeol’s body is to him and he won’t rest until he has the other shaking in pure pleasure. He switches to the other side, sucking harshly and staring up into the pretty brown eyes and Sungyeol looks so happily frustrated.

 

“Why does that feel so good?” He whines, his fingers running through Myungsoo’s black hair, not letting him move away from his chest.

 

Myungsoo catches a nipple between his teeth and the taller male moans out. “Because everything about you is good Yeol.”

 

“It’s the other way around.” He argues, admittedly half hearted because he _really_ enjoys Myungsoo’s mouth. He grinds down into Myungsoo’s lap and he would feel self-conscious for getting so turned on after so little, but he feels a solid cock right underneath him so he lets it go.

 

“I’m going to pleasure you Yeol... in a way you’ve never felt before.” He tells him as he spins them around, setting Sungyeol’s back against the mattress so very gently. “In a way that’s so much more than anyone else ever has.” He gets rid of Sungyeol’s too tight slacks, running his hands all over the pretty, pale skin on his long legs. The underwear goes next and Sungyeol is deliciously bare in front of him, his lean body on display and _everything_ is nice and long. He licks his lips, staring up at him with heady eyes. “After tonight, no other man will be able to satisfy you.”

 

The underlying possessiveness in Myungsoo's words make Sungyeol so fucking hard, the touches on his skin are so soft and full of care that Sungyeol almost can't believe how lucky he is. “ _God,_ just you Myungsoo. Only you.” 

 

With that he takes Sungyeol’s cock in his mouth, and the latter almost arches off the bed at the intense sensation. Myungsoo pins his hips to the bed, his eyes flashing dangerously and Sungyeol tries his best to be good for him. It quickly becomes apparent that he won’t be to, he can’t seem to stay still and his legs keep kicking around every time Myungsoo sinks down on his length.

 

Myungsoo decides to drag Sungyeol to the edge of the mattress, and he gets down on his knees in between Sungyeol’s legs. He sets his thighs on his shoulders, and Sungyeol crosses his ankles behind his back.

 

Myungsoo takes him in again, his eyes watching Sungyeol like a hawk for any and all reactions to his ministrations. He knows Sungyeol is enjoying it, if the heels digging into his back are any indication, he’s already rather worked up. One of his hands is tangled in Myungsoo’s hair and his other one is trying but failing to quiet the moans slipping out of his mouth.

 

“Don’t do that.” Myungsoo pulls off his length to chastise him, his hand temporarily taking over for his mouth. Sungyeol looks down at him with questioning eyes. “I want to hear you. I don’t want you to hold back with me about anything. Understand?” Sungyeol nods, his arm falling down to rest on top of the mattress.

 

Myungsoo returns to his task with a smile, sucking intensely on Sungyeol’s length for his good behavior. The now clearly heard moans are addictive, spurring him on and encouraging him to go faster. He enjoys feeling the weight of Sungyeol’s cock on his tongue, he likes the way it pulses with each hard suck. He doesn’t hold back with his sounds either, moaning around Sungyeol’s length and humming low to send pleasant vibrations through the taller boy’s body.

 

And Myungsoo loves doing this, loves touching Sungyeol so intimately, and he feels happy that he’s able to figure out what makes him shake in pleasure so quickly. He stares up at Sungyeol’s big eyes, delighting in how wide and desperate they look each time he flicks his tongue over the tip.

 

It doesn’t take long for him to push Sungyeol over the edge, and he feels both hands in his hair try to pull him off in warning. He ignores it, determined to see it all the way through, tracing his tongue over the vein on the underside of Sungyeol’s cock.

 

He arches off the bed then, screaming out his climax, his thighs tightening around Myungsoo’s neck before his body goes boneless in the sheets. Myungsoo swallows his release, his mouth dropping a soft kiss to the head that still makes Sungyeol squirm in his sensitive state. Myungsoo lets his legs naturally slip off his shoulders, rising up from the floor and wiping off his wet lips.

 

He pulls Sungyeol further up the mattress to make sure he doesn’t roll off the bed in his hazy state, dropping a soft kiss to Sungyeol’s mouth with his slightly swollen lips. He tries to pull away but Sungyeol doesn’t let him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and deepening the kiss. When he pulls away the naughty look is back in his eyes and he orders for Myungsoo to strip.

 

“You have to let go of me then Yeol.”

 

Sungyeol pouts, but releases him nevertheless. Myungsoo smiles at his childish behavior, but he secretly loves how clingy the other can get. He grabs the lube and tosses it onto the mattress, swiftly removing his boxers and pants to climb on top of the other.

 

Sungyeol tries to reach down to stroke his cock, but Myungsoo bats his hand away. He pouts, because he really wants to touch him but Myungsoo seems to have other ideas, pinning his hands to his sides. “ _Why?_ I want to touch you there Myungsoo, I can return the favor.”

 

And it does make Myungsoo harder, the clear need in Sungyeol’s voice and the fact that the other craves the chance to please him too, but that’s not what tonight is about. “Sorry baby, but tonight you don’t get to do anything to me. This is all about pleasing you.” He kisses his way down the pale chest, flicking a tongue over a nipple just to make him squirm, before continuing the path down his stomach.

 

“But touching you _would_ please me. It’s not fair if you do all the work.” Sungyeol whines, but Myungsoo doesn’t seem to listen, opting to run his teeth over Sungyeol’s prominent hipbone. “Fuck, how do you keep finding these spots?”

 

“Because I care enough to look for them.” Their eyes meet again, and Sungyeol understands the implications behind the last statement. It makes his heart swell because it’s true, no one has ever cared enough about him to indulge him in foreplay, and he didn’t even realize how much he was missing out on.

 

“Just trust me. Let me have my way with you and I’ll make it worth it. Let me learn your body, every inch of you. Let me touch your beautiful skin and find all of your weak spots, so I can make it feel that much better for you.” He mouths at Sungyeol’s inner thigh, leaving wet patches of skin in his wake.

 

“ _Myungsoo._ ” Sungyeol pants out, and for a wild moment he feels like he might cry again; partly from frustration and partly from the knowledge of just how much Myungsoo loves him. 

 

“I told you I would make love to you.” Myungsoo whispers, finally moving up again to taste his lips. “Will you let me?”

 

Sungyeol nods and the other boy lets go of his wrists, Myungsoo’s hands now joining the exploration of his body. And Sungyeol lets him, lets the boy kiss him wherever he wants, lets his fingers travel over his skin, and it’s so _intimate,_ being laid out like this in front of Myungsoo and it’s exciting because he knows that one day soon he’ll be able to do the same thing to his lover.

 

Myungsoo is practically decorating his skin with love marks, the colors standing out on his pale complexion. He’s hard again, he’s been hard for _awhile_ and yet Myungsoo avoids his erection, touching and even kissing all the space around it and Sungyeol is starting to get frustrated in the best kind of way.

 

“You’re doing this on purpose. You’re trying to make me go crazy.” He accuses, and when Myungsoo smirks at him from his thighs he knows he’s right.

 

“Crazy with pleasure. You don’t like it?” Myungsoo trails his tongue over the junction of his leg and groin and it makes him squirm in need.

 

“I do. But please, I need more.” He looks very pointedly at the nice, hard cock bobbing between Myungsoo’s legs. “I need all of you.”

 

“Hmm.” Myungsoo mumbles, sitting back on his heels to give Sungyeol a better view. “You need all of this?”

 

Sungyeol nods in a daze because it looks _perfect,_ not so big that it will be painful but impressive enough to make his fingers curl in anticipation. Myungsoo pulls on his length a couple times, biting his lip to hold back a moan and Sungyeol cannot take this anymore. “Get me ready for your cock.” He demands, his eyes glued to the thing he wants the most in between Myungsoo’s legs.

 

“Roll over then.” And he goes to move but he can’t help the small flicker of sadness that goes through him, because he wanted to be able to see Myungsoo too. But of course Myungsoo notices, temporarily stopping him from rolling over to give him a sweet kiss.

 

“Just so I can prepare you, trust me I want to see your face when my cock is inside of you later.” Myungsoo explains, and Sungyeol’s body shudders because he doesn’t think that he’s ever even heard the other use the word cock in front of him before.

 

He turns over to shift up to his elbows and knees, spreading his legs apart and looking over his shoulder at Myungsoo with very eager eyes.

 

Myungsoo generously applies the wetness to his fingers, keeping the bottle close to him just in case. “Talk to me Yeol, let me know when you’re ready.” Sungyeol nods in understanding, already pushing back to try to take in the fingers that are gently circling his entrance. When the first one pushes in he lets out a sigh of contentment, because a part of Myungsoo is inside of him and that’s exciting in itself. He almost immediately asks for another, and Myungsoo presses soft kisses to the small curve of his ass.

 

He’s always had a thing for Myungsoo’s hands, and just like he suspected earlier, he is rather talented with his fingers. He knows just how hard to press, expertly stretching him without causing him any unnecessary discomfort. The digits press into him at a somewhat lazy pace, and when he asks Myungsoo to speed up he immediately complies, adding the third finger after Sungyeol’s approval.

 

And Sungyeol already feels so full, just from Myungsoo’s fingers and it makes him shudder in excitement for what his cock will feel like. He concludes that he just loves the idea of knowing that Myungsoo is inside him, and when the fingers scissor and curl he just can’t take waiting any longer.

 

Sungyeol practically cries in relief when Myungsoo turns him over to his back, spreading his legs wide open and running his cock over his entrance teasingly. “ _Please Myungsoo._ ” He doesn’t even care if it sounds like he’s begging, he honestly would beg if Myungsoo asked him to, but the other seems to take pity on him, swiftly pushing into his heat.

 

His cock is _a lot_ to handle, especially after so long and Myungsoo is far from lacking, but Sungyeol can’t help but think that it feels wonderful, even with the slight burning at the stretch because it’s _Myungsoo._ Myungsoo with his eye smiles, his cute little dimples, and his big heart that was made just for Sungyeol. They fit together, they just work, and sex is no exception.

 

They fall into a rhythm naturally, a somewhat languid pace as they get used to the feeling of being so close to someone again. Myungsoo thinks he’s handling it well, because honestly, Sungyeol is almost unbearably tight and Myungsoo loves him so and being with him like this feels like a dream.

 

Sungyeol doesn’t fare too much better, his cock is already leaking even though he’s already come once before, but it just feels so amazing to be filled up by Myungsoo like this. His fingers dig into the other’s shoulders, his hips moving in conjunction with the other’s thrusts and it’s just so nice.

 

Myungsoo starts kissing him and he can’t deny him, not when he can vaguely identify the taste of himself and the wine on the other’s tongue. Sungyeol almost can’t handle the idea of being able to do this with Myungsoo whenever he wants, this beautiful man on top of him belongs to him, they’ve given their hearts and now their bodies to one another, and there’s no limit to how often they can indulge.

 

It’s just the two of them, in their own private little world and really, that’s all they need. “Faster.” Sungyeol gasps out, and Myungsoo quickens his pace. His cock feels so good inside of him, reaching deeper than he’s ever felt before and he can’t get enough of this, and he doesn’t think he ever will. 

 

Myungsoo reaches down to grab hold of his cock, pumping his length in time with his thrusts. It’s almost as if his body is surrounded in Myungsoo, his cock buried inside of him, his hand working his cock, and his lips trailing kisses over Sungyeol’s skin. All the sensations and the love add to the intensity of their coupling, it overwhelms Sungyeol and he can’t even properly return Myungsoo’s kisses any longer. When he tells the other that he feels like coming again, he gets a wicked smile in return. “I’ll let you.” Myungsoo whispers, and it sets Sungyeol’s body on fire. His brain almost can't comprehend this, how the blushing boy who couldn't even introduce himself a year ago has turned into this, practically a sex god that's fucking him senseless.

 

He leans back to put his weight on his heels, tossing one of Sungyeol’s pretty legs over his shoulder. He doesn’t give Sungyeol any time to adjust to the new position, immediately pounding into him as his hand moved feverishly over Sungyeol’s cock.

 

“Oh god, I’m going to come.” Sungyeol whines, and when Myungsoo presses a kiss to the inside of his knee and orders him to do just that, Sungyeol loses himself to the pleasure for a second time.  Myungsoo doesn’t even let him bask in the afterglow, he’s not done with Sungyeol yet, and he pulls out to flip him over, his chest pressed into the mattress as Myungsoo hooks an arm underneath his stomach to lift Sungyeol’s lower half up. Myungsoo gets comfortable behind him on his knees, just barely pushing in his tip before pulling it out again. He does this a couple times until Sungyeol practically screams for him to get back inside of him, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love how bossy Sungyeol gets in moments like this.

 

He has to listen to him; he enjoys pleasing the man underneath him too much, so he sinks fully back into his body again. The feeling of being engulfed by Sungyeol’s heat again is wonderful, and Myungsoo leans down to drop kisses on his back. Sungyeol starts pushing back with his hips already getting worked up and needing more.

 

Myungsoo keeps his ass nice and high in the air, his hands firmly clutching Sungyeol’s hips as he sets a fierce pace. Each thrust is powerful and precise, searching for that secret spot that will make Sungyeol’s knees weak.

 

He runs a hand underneath Sungyeol’s thigh, forcing his legs apart to spread him even further open. His cock reaches even deeper at this angle, and when Sungyeol screams out he knows that he has found it.

 

“God Myungsoo. Right _there_.”

 

“Yeah?” He responds, even though he doesn’t really need an answer. He can tell just in the way Sungyeol’s voice gets higher and his moans become more frequent.

 

“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” He begs as Myungsoo drills into his soft spot, and he knows he’s going to lose it in just a matter of moments.

 

“Come for me again Yeol.” Myungsoo demands, and Sungyeol’s eyes squeeze shut as he lets the orgasm crash over him. He screams out Myungsoo’s name one last time, before falling to the mattress, spent and satisfied.

 

It doesn’t take long for Myungsoo to follow, not when Sungyeol’s insides are clenching down on him relentlessly, the pulsing heat driving Myungsoo to the edge. He leans down, molding his chest to Sungyeol’s back and tightening his grip as he rides out his climax.

 

When he recovers the ability to think straight he lovingly holds Sungyeol, kissing his cheeks and whispering endearments into his ear.

 

He rolls them to the side, keeping Sungyeol close as they try to regain their bearings. He tries to pull out but a firm hand on his hip stops him.

 

“Stay inside of me. Just for a little while.” Sungyeol pants out, and Myungsoo nods into his neck.

 

And even though they are sweaty and practically stuck together, they can’t bring themselves to care. They’ve got the most content smiles on their faces because they both know that this is the only the beginning, that nothing’s ever felt so right, and this is the way things were meant to be.

 

When Sungyeol finally does let Myungsoo leave his body it’s only because he wants to turn around to face him again. They share sweet kisses, giggling over their lovemaking as their limbs tangle together.

 

Myungsoo reaches a hand up to run his fingers through the long pretty hair, his hand holding Sungyeol’s jaw delicately. “I love you Sungyeol. I’ll never let you go.”

 

Words Myungsoo speaks to him ever since that day when they decided to take a risk together, since the day that Sungyeol decided to stop letting his demons torture him. And some days he didn’t think it was possible, he felt like the hurt was too great and that the scars were too deep to ever truly to be able to heal. But then he would see Myungsoo’s smile, hear Myungsoo’s voice, and feel Myungsoo’s touch and it was always full of love, always full of a desire to simply make him happy and it made the world of difference.

 

And in this moment, for maybe the first time ever, he was proud to be himself, because the only person in the world who was lucky enough to experience Kim Myungsoo’s true and devoted love was Lee Sungyeol.

 

“I know.” He whispers, but this time he recognizes without a shadow of a doubt how much Myungsoo means it. He feels the wetness building in his eyes as he confesses his love for Myungsoo, but this time the only tears that escape are happy ones.


End file.
